To Even Bluer Skies
by Plereia
Summary: They had the same dreams and nightmares, but their hands were the ones that shaped the world. Shinn/Kira


**Summary: **They had the same dreams and nightmares, but their hands were the ones that shaped the world.

**Pairings: **Shinn/Kira, Kira/Lacus

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the fantasy that Gundam Seed's male population is 90% homo (and I don't mean you, Mwu-san); the Shinn/Kira cover art is a cropped ver of peniko's wallie mini Tokyo - external link in my profile

**Warning:** a little semblance of plot; m/m relationship as earlier stated

—

And, after the brief meeting in ORB, they part ways.

Shinn notes that despite a blood stained past, Freedom's pilot seems content. Happy even, and he feels remorse eating him inside out for trying to kill Kira, while driven by desperation and blind fury. It takes him a while to accept the error in his logic, and he looks to his friend and mentor, Athrun Zala, to be the bridge between paths that aren't meant to cross.

So, for the second time and with clear intentions, he speaks to Kira without an audience.

(and finally, he notices the softness in those blameless hands)

—

Luna is a brightly burning flame.

Perhaps, all the women in his life are and yet, they get extinguished with little effort. He loves Stellar, the lone star in his endless sea of darkness, and how she paints his night with her color. He remembers Mayu, a hot ball of vitality, and she takes his dreams of the future with her when she disappears.

He is afraid for Luna, for himself and his fears take root in his heart far too deeply.

When he and Luna fall apart, he finds comfort in the most unlikely place.

(and when Kira tells him, in a clandestine voice,_ "it will be alright"_, he believes)

—

They are beautiful together.

Shinn is but a silent observer of the romance that spins the nation. What his eyes see, his heart also feels. The fountain of Kira Yamato's happiness stems from her — her gentle caress, her unwavering gaze, her steady presence. But, in the bitter end, she lives and breathes for her people.

Pretty things, in Shinn's opinion, aren't meant to last.

(and when the cracks appear, Shinn isn't surprised by the flood of emotions that follows)

—

Kira Yamato isn't selfish.

Peace takes precedence above all, even himself. He takes it upon his fragile shoulders to maintain the constantly tipping balance and fakes a smile whenever he sets out to battle. No more needless sacrifices, but he drags himself back from the abyss — the mantle of helplessness clouding his mind — more weary and battered than his white queen.

Regrettably, Shinn is the opposite.

(and when the older male needs a shoulder to lean on, Shinn lends his own)

—

It begins like a television drama, with the harmless passing of drinks and an accidental encounter.

Because the Commander in White Coat frequently forgets to take a breather, a nosy ORB General is quick to remedy that predicament. A disgruntled Kira is dragged out of his utilitarian abode by an increasingly demanding Athrun, and Shinn is the designated chaperone to the two adults because neither Yzak nor Dearka can cater to their mutual friend's whim.

The night drags on and Shinn, for the first time in a rather long while, finds himself enjoying others' company. They buy several bottles of alcohol on Athrun's insistence and Shinn watches as Kira tries to stifle a laugh. Why? He is about to discover in a few hours.

"He's drunk," Kira asserts as he rubs soothing circles on a reeling Athrun's back.

Light weight, Shinn wants to say, but his former superior is beyond wasted to rise to his insult. "Are you okay?" he asks instead, and the reaction is instantaneous. A choked sob then a single tear.

"Probably not," Kira replies shakily, his hand stopping mid-air. When it seems that the older male isn't going to divulge more, Shinn presses on with a steely resolve. After all, he is best known for his stubbornness. The pair of tantalizing purple eyes widen before blurring because of the gathering moisture. "I didn't think that being with her could be so painful."

(and when Kira caves in, Shinn finds that this slender body fits perfectly in his arms)

—

Only a matter of time.

Because she needs to set a precedent, to carve a path for the future, she marries another.

They can't be together, she mutters with a melancholy undertone, but the damage is done and Kira is left broken. Miserable. But he schools his emotions out of his face and a mask of indifference takes their place. He wishes her all the luck in world and leaves none for himself in the process.

(and when the knight disappears, so does Shinn)

—

"I'm tired." So says Kira when he tries to escape his life.

Shinn balls his fist to his side, but his mouth clams up from the hopelessness of it all. How can they — his colleagues, his friends, his lover — not recognize the wear and tear on the Freedom pilot's body, mind, spirit? How dare they not pay attention to that weak, thin smile so laced in misery.

Kira Yamato, Shinn realizes almost too late, has as much flaws as any human being and the most fatal of them all is his kindness.

(and when the older male breaks, Shinn is left to pick up the pieces)

—

Tempers run high.

Assuming that Kira is merely a skilled pilot and not much else is Shinn's downfall. So, when he tries to knock some sense into the other man's rapidly deteriorating brain, his blows are deflected with ease. It is only due to his training and experience in actual combat that he lands a solid punch to the gut.

A flash of betrayal on an otherwise dumbstruck expression, but Kira doesn't retaliate.

Shinn doesn't have enough patience for this game of silence, and he snaps. Screams of frustration echo as he grabs Kira by the collar and makes their gazes meet. "You don't have to pretend that you're happy!"

_"Not in front of me," _His mind dictates, but his lips refuse to follow.

(and when the first of many tears starts rolling, Shinn is ready to share the burden)

—

A lost puppy, is what Kira calls him.

Shinn takes offense at this demotion from ace pilot to a common house pet, but he convinces himself that he doesn't mind. He does a fantastic job of it, until his tolerance gives way to genuine curiosity, and he asks the question that is to be their foundation.

"What makes you think that I'm a lost puppy?" he inquires, and the glance that the former Z.A.F.T. officer gives him is almost too painful to bear.

Kira chuckles and it's such a dry, mirthless sound. "Because you and I are similar," he says and his voice is on the verge of breaking. "We're both lost, aren't we?"

(and when the bruises they've given each other fade from black to nothing, they begin their journey home)

—

They are a pair of contradictions.

What Shinn wants, Kira doesn't. It isn't limited to their food choices, their sense for fashion and their frequently clashing ideals but their personalities as a whole. Kira is the reign to his impulsiveness, the calm to his temper, the voice to his fists. And around these differences, they build a relationship beyond trust, harmonious as the gears of a ticking clock.

(and when Kira is ready to move on, Shinn doesn't hold back)

—

Shinn doesn't think that _why _is a significant question because he has numerous excuses.

The first time Kira asks, Shinn merely brushes it off as simple comrade's concern. But is a subordinate expected to go so far for a superior in their case? Shinn sees the flaw in his logic and swears to come up with a better answer.

The second comes after a military banquet and Shinn is, quite unfortunately, caught off guard. He goes beet red to the roots of his hair as he stammers, "We're friends, right?" Kira's mouth is an open o of confusion, but Shinn dodges the proceeding inquiries with much effort.

Then finally, on a warm afternoon, the confession comes out in a jumble of words and Kira tries not to smile at his expense.

(and when Kira laughs with abandon, Shinn finds that he can breathe freely again)

—

Then, her children are born unto the world.

She is a phantom, a ghost of Kira's past that he can't seem to get rid off. It is out of courtesy, but he visits her with pale pink flowers in trembling hands. Even as she lays in a bloated heap in an ordinary hospital bed, she looks immaculate even to Shinn. How she pulls it off, he doesn't want to know.

They chat animatedly about the old times, the battles fought, the wars won and the lives lost. She says then, that the road has been grueling and agonizing, but the all the sacrifices leads up to this brighter future.

Shinn reminisces about his family as Kira thinks about the sensation of pulling the trigger. It takes one sentence and a minute later for him to be finally free from her shackles. "I'm naming him Kira," and her faultless innocence disarms them both.

(and an eternity after, when Kira is a sobbing mess, Shinn steals his first kiss)

—

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or so the love struck fools say.

It is quite the opposite for Shinn because he is furious and restless. Damn the military for being understaffed and why must he be sent out to such a remote place? He paces back and forth once more, but for the sake of keeping appearances, he disappears to his living quarters because the stern gaze from the ship's commander merely fuels his discomfort.

As the door slides open, a familiar crooning followed by the flaps of mechanical wings drifts to his ears. Torii. Kira's. The robotic birds provides to him a semblance of normalcy, which soon lulls him to a dreamless sleep.

(and three weeks after, when Kira greets him with a warm _"welcome home", _Shinn is at a loss for words)

—

Hurdles are meant to be overcome.

Or so Shinn has fervently believed before this moment. Kira is clear in his intentions to know Shinn fully, including the past that makes him the person he is now. With a heave of his chest, he begins to tell Kira about Mayu, Onogoro and his deeply-rooted hatred for ORB.

Then, in turn as if sympathizing with his grief, Kira talks about the suffocating solitude among the Naturals aboard the Archangel, about Tolle and above all, about Fllay. The other male's clear eyes are the mirrors to his emotions and Shinn feels the too tight grip on his shoulders.

In a war, not a soul suffers alone and this time, a pair of sturdy arms embraces him in a nostalgic blanket of warmth.

(and, when their roles are reversed and Kira tells him that _"it's okay to cry", _Shinn does so without a second's hesitation)

—

Because they are both grown men, Shinn has no idea how to breach the sensitive subject.

He mentally debates with himself, whether or not to tell Kira about his needs — desires, if he want to be crass about it. They are past the age of raging hormones, but when he hears the soft hiss of falling water from the shower in the adjacent room, he can't help but imagine...

No, he inwardly berates himself. It is embarrassing enough that he's is fantasizing about about Kira's bare body but go further than that is criminal. He shakes his head, tries to chase the vivid image he has conjured in his head. Idiot, pervert, he calls himself as he tries to stave his humiliating arousal.

But he remembers the lean arms of his lover, smooth skin over tight muscles, and the blood from his nether region rushes to his face instead. He buries his head between his shaking knees and remarks as he hears the echo of foot steps on cool tiles, _this is bad. _

"Shinn?" It's the sultry tone in Kira's voice, so unfamiliar yet inviting, that makes Shinn look up. And oh, what a huge mistake that is, because now the straining bulge in his pants is fully exposed.

Shinn wonders if this is intentional in Kira's part, with a measly tower hanging a few inches above the illegal curve of his hips. A lump quickly forms in Shinn's throat and what a struggle it is to breath. _Damned tease_, his mind readily whispers and it doesn't stop at tease. His urge to feel every inch of the other's flesh is crashing onto him in terrifying waves.

All that he fears is that he may not have sufficient control to keeping himself from doing as he pleases.

And then, Kira says, "I have needs too, you know?"

(and when he hears his name tumble from Kira's trembling lips, Shinn succumbs to lust and passion)

—

And they choose her as the surrogate mother to their child.

She isn't bound to her duties anymore and after the many years of denying herself from her one true source of happiness, she tells Kira that he she has always loved him. And, as a token of the same affection, she will do him this last favor.

Shinn notices that there isn't a glimpse of that old misery on his lover's face, and instead, he finds it on hers. There aren't words to express the conflicted emotions in his chest, but he bows to her out of genuine gratitude.

A fading smile graces her lips as she tells them, "this is destiny, isn't it?"

(and in the end, when Kira decides to call their little bundle of joy Mayu, Shinn finds himself falling all over again)

—

**Notes: **A brain child from an earlier brain child. Wow. I hadn't intended for this to be my first contribution to the Seed fandom, but whatever. Hope you enjoyed reading this unconventional pairing! (I wanted to prolong their first time in bed but... *girlish giggle*)

And I need a beta for an AsuKira thing I'm writing. PM me, please?


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